Your Military Family Care Plan is NOT a Custody Order in Pierce or Kitsap County

Whether you are an Army soldier gearing up for a deployment out of Joint Base Lewis-McChord (JBLM) in Pierce County, or a Navy sailor preparing to go underway on a submarine out of Naval Base Kitsap in Bangor, readiness is your command’s top priority.

If you are a single parent or part of a dual-military couple, your unit requires you to have an approved Family Care Plan (FCP) on file. Your command needs to know that if you are called to ship out in 48 hours, your children will be cared for so you can focus entirely on the mission.

But here is a dangerous misconception that destroys military families in Washington State family courts every single day: Service members mistakenly believe that their military Family Care Plan is a legally binding child custody order.

It is not.

If you share custody of your child with a civilian co-parent, relying on your FCP to dictate who watches your child while you are deployed or underway is a massive legal mistake. Your commanding officer's signature on a DA Form 5305 or a NAVPERS 1740/6 does absolutely nothing to override a Superior Court judge in Pierce or Kitsap County.

At Van Ackeren, P.S., we are a veteran-led law firm physically located right outside the gates of JBLM in Spanaway, serving military families across Pierce and Kitsap counties. We understand military regulations intimately, but we also know Washington State law. Here is the straight talk about why your military paperwork will not protect you in a civilian courtroom—and exactly what you need to do before you deploy.

A young child, representing the children of deployed military parents in Washington State, enjoys playing with a toy on a sunlit front porch.

The Commander's Requirement vs. The Judge's Gavel

To understand why a Family Care Plan fails in court, you must understand what it was actually designed to do. Under military regulations, a Family Care Plan is strictly an administrative, internal military tool.

Its sole purpose is to assure your commander that you are worldwide deployable. You might designate your current spouse (the child's step-parent), your parents, or a trusted friend as the caregiver in your FCP. Your commander signs off on it, it goes into your file, and as far as the military is concerned, you are good to go.

But the military does not have jurisdiction over civilian family law.

In Washington State, child custody is governed by a legally binding court order called a Parenting Plan. This document dictates exactly when the child is with you, when the child is with your ex-spouse, and how major decisions are made.

If your Washington State Parenting Plan clashes with your military Family Care Plan, the state court order wins. Every single time. You cannot use a military administrative form to unilaterally rewrite a Pierce County or Kitsap County court order.

The "Right of First Refusal" Trap

The most common way soldiers and sailors end up in legal jeopardy is by ignoring (or forgetting about) the "Right of First Refusal" clause that is frequently embedded in Washington State Parenting Plans.

This clause typically states that if the residential parent is going to be away from the child for a certain period (e.g., more than 48 hours or a week), they must offer the other biological parent the opportunity to watch the child before calling a babysitter, step-parent, or extended family member.

Here is how the trap springs on local service members:

1. A sailor stationed at Naval Base Kitsap in Bremerton gets orders to go underway for six months.

2. The sailor's FCP designates their current wife (the child's stepmother) to watch the child during the deployment so the child doesn't have to change schools.

3. The sailor deploys, leaving the child with the stepmother in Silverdale.

4. The biological civilian ex-spouse realizes the sailor is gone, looks at the Parenting Plan, and sees their Right of First Refusal was violated.

5. The civilian parent files a motion for contempt in Kitsap County Superior Court.

The result? The judge will almost always side with the biological parent. The stepmother will be forced to hand over the child, and the deployed service member may be found in contempt of court. In severe cases, this violation can be used as grounds to permanently strip the service member of primary custody upon their return.

State Law Trumps Military Paperwork

It is a hard pill to swallow, especially when your chain of command is breathing down your neck to get your FCP finalized before pre-deployment leave. But your commander cannot authorize you to break a Washington state law.

In fact, the military explicitly acknowledges this. If you read the fine print on the Family Care Plan counseling forms, it usually includes a disclaimer stating that the FCP does not change existing court orders and that the service member is entirely responsible for resolving any legal conflicts.

If your civilian ex-spouse takes you to court while you are deployed to the Middle East or underwater on a fast-attack sub, your command will not send JAG to fight your civilian custody battle in Tacoma or Port Orchard. You are completely on your own.

How to Protect Your Custody Rights Before You Deploy

If you are facing a deployment, an underway period, or extended training (like NTC or Yakima), and your Family Care Plan conflicts with your ex-spouse's rights, you must take proactive legal action before you leave Washington State.

Under Washington law (RCW 26.09.010(7)), military parents have specific protections. If you receive military orders that materially affect your ability to follow your current Parenting Plan, you can petition the Pierce or Kitsap County court for an expedited hearing.

You and your military family law attorney can ask the judge to issue a temporary, deployment-specific Parenting Plan. Under certain circumstances, Washington law allows a deploying parent to temporarily delegate their residential time to a trusted family member (like a step-parent or grandparent) while they are gone.

This legally protects the child's stability, keeps them in their current school district, and shields you from contempt charges. But this requires going through the family court system. It requires filing motions, serving your ex-spouse, and getting a judge's signature. It cannot be handled in the company orderly room or the ship's admin office.

Don't Leave Your Family's Future to Chance

When you are preparing for a military mission, your gear, your training, and your mind have to be perfectly calibrated. Your legal affairs require the exact same level of precision.

Relying on a Family Care Plan to act as a custody order is a gamble that military parents almost always lose. You need a local attorney who understands both the rigid demands of your chain of command and the strict requirements of the Pierce and Kitsap County courts.

Attorney Cheryl Van Ackeren is a U.S. Army veteran who knows exactly what it means to balance military readiness with family obligations. Don’t wait until you are halfway across the world to find out your custody arrangement is falling apart. Contact Van Ackeren Law in Spanaway today to ensure your Parenting Plan is legally locked down before you deploy.